Sunday afternoon I deliberate looking at the gloomy sky on riding my baby to the exam centre or on taking the three legged sloth. It had rained cats and dogs the day before, though gloomy, the sky looked clear egging me to ride her out. So I suit up for the ride of my very own English adventure. Here is how I suited up, a red jersey with loose khaki shorts, an eagle print bandanna on my head and of course the helmet.

I reached the centre on the designated time, met an office colleague, we rack up a chat about office politics, career and general life as we peed side by side. That done i enter the classroom like a gladiator and let me remind you that the ancient gladiators wore something similar to shorts, so don't go frowning on my attire. I take my seat fill in the details and i begin. Filling the details is like writing an essay on your self, the intention behind it is to warm you fingers to a level that you can make it through the loaded paper and not sue the University for damaged fingers.

As i look up after the warm up, there were wild stares thrown at me from all directions questioning my presence at the centre. What’s this dude like creature doing here is he mocking us, why is he dressed like a medieval jester, as he lost his nuts and list goes on. So why was i here, why was i wasting a perfectly good Sabbath giving a paper on English when i could pursue another degree in finance like the hat-rick I had wasn't enough, why not play football in the rain or go jiving which I love so much. Why Lord why was I here ruining my perfectly good weekend. So was it the love for the language or was it a need to break free from tradition where people frown at you for pursuing a degree in arts or was it an innate desire to get back to the college life, the excitement and warmth of the exam room and the sweet smell of freedom after it’s over.

Meantime the bell rand and i had to begin my journey up the English hill. The path seemed familiar since the questions were a cocktail of the previous 5 years. The most interesting piece of literature in this paper is this horny poem by Andrew Marvell called "To His Coy Mistress". Well this ancient dude in this poem is trying to seduce this Victorian chick. It centered on a theme of “Carp Diem" which means live for now. So this dude goes like " i can spend 10 thousand ears admiring your one breast, 10 for another and 30 thousand for the entire body, but since we don't have that time lets get naked and do it now". The best one that he pulls on her is when he says that let me have you virginity or else the worms will feast on it in your grave. And I’m sure that women through out the ages must have found this poem utterly romantic and many a men must have used it to access their pants. That reminds me of this Hindi number "Beghe Hoat Tere" roughly translated 'Your Wet Lips". Now can someone please tell me which lip he is referring too?

Now the point driven, the detour taken, digression visited let the trek up the hill continue. Trekking up the hill I need more resources, so i raise my hand and politely ask for a supplement. The entire class goes silent, like I have spoken the unthinkable, the doom words uttered the staring commences, may be it was their self defence mechanism, or the frustration of wasted weekends that they have sacrificed on the alter of education. The invigilator sensed this tense uneasiness in the room, he smiles back hands me a supplement and pitches his tent with a stack full of loose supplements right behind me. That white ball of smile saved me the embarrassment of asking for a supplement 3 times more. I owe that fellow one.

Two hours into the exam i reach the summit, my hands swollen red; I’m contemplating a suit but the two hours of trek ain't worth 20. My throat is parched and my bladder is swollen full so I make a dash for it. The ride back home was pleasant, like a triumphant gladiator in short returning home after a fresh kill. My baby feels so good between my legs and her roar is the sweetest sound I have ever heard. And the confession, i had taken the first step towards being a writer, felt happy and sweet. So here begins my English Adventure